Joan D. Vinge - Cat 1 - Psion by Psion

Author:Psion [Psion]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2011-12-27T17:43:38.062000+00:00

After she left me again, I lay looking at her memory caught there in my mind, as much a part of me as my own were. Other scenes that had never been a part of my life began to surface, then- some that I knew or guessed belonged to her, some that I couldn’ t put any tag on. It scared me, not knowing what had been done to me while I was sick- until I saw suddenly that I was the one who’ d done it to myself.

And then, finally, I began to understand everything- that what had happened after the Hydrans had been inside my head had gone on happening, as though they’ d found something caged and set it free. In sickness my mind had wandered out of itself; it had found open doors and gone through them, into the deepest parts of other human minds; pain drawn to pain, hunger to hunger. And from what I could tell no one had known it but me.

And now, whenever I was with Jule, it was easy to reach what lay on the surface of her thoughts- I could read her without trying, like I’ d been doing it forever, like breathing. I was a real telepath at last. And I wondered whether the Hydrans really knew what they’ d done. I thought about them sometimes, what they’ d done to me and for me; and when I did I felt a kind of longing.

But in the long hours, when I was alone, I began to work at controlling what they’ d left me with; trying to stretch my waking mind to match what my unconscious had done. Because I’ d been given a gift whether I wanted it or not; and whatever happened to me now, I figured I was going to need it. At first it was hard to handle; I didn’ t know how to control it. I was still weak and it was so strong- like the tail wagging the Cat. But day by day it got easier.

Jule had told me why I heard music: that this hidden room where I lay was somewhere in the starport town, over a bar that was about the only entertainment on Cinder. I couldn’ t reach very far with my mind, I didn’ t have the energy yet; so I spent a lot of my time watching the ones down below with my mind’ s eye: feeling them bored, frustrated, homesick, afraid. Feeling the emotions get loud or fade or blur, feeling them shift and the images run like a ruined painting as they drowned their sorrows in alcohol and drugs. Sometimes I followed them down to oblivion, because that was as close to pleasure as I’ d been in a long time.

By now it was simple to tell a psion from a deadhead.

Normal human minds were an unfocused snarl, and my own was light and sharp enough now that I could wander into them like a thief, taking anything I wanted, and no one even knew I’ d been there to steal their thoughts.

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